We all remember president Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna as lunatic, a megalomaniac with demigod complexes who sodomized our country with the thorny, texturized cucumbers of ambition and madness, but what we have never done is give him credit for one of the only two military battles won by the Mexican army in all its history.La Batalla de Puebla is the other exceptional occasion, and it was indeed an occasion of glory for the oxidized and third-worldish National Arms, but let me put this in consideration: Santa Anna won his battle in American territory. It is like winning a baseball game as visitors, id est, more the fuck difficult.
Let us reflect: Have you noticed that Mexican mestizos have not won a damn single war? And since we mentioned sports before, I believe that this is reflected in soccer: us Mexicans, we are pacific and calm when we fight the ladylike, muscular representatives of other countries, but when the work is to defeat (to fuck up) other Mexicans, the battles (or games) are bloodbaths.
The Mexican Revolution is the evidence that we do have historical cojones: a million deaths at the beginning of the 20th century were nothing to laugh at; this proved that we are human after all, since, indeed, we could arm ourselves with the will of killing a whole fucking lot of people with the use of shining pistols.
But, as I said, if you put our National Arms in front of a crowd of uniformed Frenchmen or gringos, the cruel attack of their ape-like, childish features, their ambiguous, cute accents, that would render us completely defenseless, disarmed, completely moved by such beauty.
But Santa Anna was really insane! Somebody told the Seducer of Our Motherland that the Texans wanted to become independent and, for sure, the news didn't please him at all. He dressed his army with the wimpy silk capes that he had bought in Paris, put his wooden leg on, and adorned his neck with his santeria necklaces, the, on foot and on gallop, he crossed the God damn one thousand kilometers that separated their camping site in Zacatecas from the Fort of The Alamo in Texas.
We will never be able to forgive Santa Anna the cession of California and the rest of his stupidities, but a part of me will always admire the man who won the only Mexican international battle outside its borders. And at this anti-USA moment by which I pass trough I am an avatar of the blind fury of the cretin who lost half of Mexico and, at the same time, of the hero who killed in the Alamo not only all the Texans that resisted the siege, but two (yes, two) gringo folk heroes. Good Job, Su Alteza Serenisima.
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