Intro
We all know that our days of comfort and frolicking in the meadows are numbered. Hell has been clogging up since it started receiving souls thousands, maybe millions years ago.
Many religions, especially the Judeo-Christian tradition that's been ruling our lives like a cruel monarch out of the Old Testament with a very bad temper, assure us that there will be a day in which the dead will rise again to be judged by Big Guns Upstairs: fucking Z-Day.
When the sexy (and probably homosexual) Gilgamesh refused the lusty favors of the curvaceous goddess Ishtar, she paid him with this threat:
I will break the doorposts and I will level the doors,
And I will let the dead feed on the living
For the dead outnumber the living!
Scenarios
There are many factors that could give us the surprise of blood-thirsty zombies: imagine that pollution leaves us in a toxic pandemonium where a group of intoxicated madmen decides to feed on everybody else's flesh. Or an epidemic of acute depression/psychosis mixed with some viral disease that demands the organism to feed on flesh and blood. Or, what seems more possible, let's imagine nanotechnology going insane and taking over the bodies of their hosts. Since this can, and if statistics are with me, WILL happen, only out of stubbornness a person would refuse having a contingency plan for themselves and their loved ones.
- The first day
It will be difficult, without preparation, to notice when the first day of the zombie outbreak happens. Everything will seem normal, and suddenly it will be too late to run away from a horde of fucking undead killers. But this doesn't have to be difficult if we follow the example of Carlos and if we discard the idiocy and assholery of Mike.
The first day of the zombie apocalypse Carlos detects all the signals, in his daily we-surfing he has learned to prioritize news happening all around the world that can mean a catastrophe for humankind, and since he was a kid he is prepared to defend his life against the hungry living dead.
Mike is a pot-smoking asshole who never thinks of the future who never thinks about the future and ignores idiotically news headlines like: "Phoenix Mars Lander Returns Earth Carrying Strange Martian Bacteria". Bad dog, Mike, you're an idiot.
Carlos has two katanas at home, one for him and one for his wife.
Eeeerr... I do have two katanas at home...
Mike has a revolver, and it's been years since he doesn't buy any ammo, because he prefers to spend his money in marijuana and alcohol.
The first day of the zombie apocalypse Carlos detects all the signals, in his daily we-surfing he has learned to prioritize news happening all around the world that can mean a catastrophe for humankind, and since he was a kid he is prepared to defend his life against the hungry living dead.
Mike is a pot-smoking asshole who never thinks of the future who never thinks about the future and ignores idiotically news headlines like: "Phoenix Mars Lander Returns Earth Carrying Strange Martian Bacteria". Bad dog, Mike, you're an idiot.
Carlos has two katanas at home, one for him and one for his wife.
Eeeerr... I do have two katanas at home...Mike has a revolver, and it's been years since he doesn't buy any ammo, because he prefers to spend his money in marijuana and alcohol.
- The first attack
It will be days, maybe weeks until Carlos or Mike have to face one or a number of zombies, but beinf prepared for the first of many attacks from the undead is of vital importance.
Carlos has in his finger a skull ring that not only looks mega-cool, but also reminds him on an everyday basis of the inevitability and naturality of death, so in case it's necessary for him to cut off the head of a seemingly human figure he won't enter into shock. Post-homicidal shock will be the cause of death of many human beings, for the beasts will take advantage of it and they'll attack while it happens.
Mike, on the other hand, is a lazy and hedonistic prick who thinks only of himself and thinks that watching TV and smoking pot all day is kick-ass; life for him is simply a series of smoking breaks between work, sleeping and going to the bathroom, with an occasional night at a bar, getting shitfaced. Death frightens him. Shame on you, Mike!
Mike is a stoner fuck...
Carlos has in his finger a skull ring that not only looks mega-cool, but also reminds him on an everyday basis of the inevitability and naturality of death, so in case it's necessary for him to cut off the head of a seemingly human figure he won't enter into shock. Post-homicidal shock will be the cause of death of many human beings, for the beasts will take advantage of it and they'll attack while it happens.
Mike, on the other hand, is a lazy and hedonistic prick who thinks only of himself and thinks that watching TV and smoking pot all day is kick-ass; life for him is simply a series of smoking breaks between work, sleeping and going to the bathroom, with an occasional night at a bar, getting shitfaced. Death frightens him. Shame on you, Mike!
Mike is a stoner fuck...- Leaving your house
When zombies multiply it perhaps will be necessary to leave the house in order to look for a safer place. Supermarkets and malls are ideal places because they have food and supplies en masse, and a number of humans can gather there and make alliances and plans. It's important to emphasize that the supermarket shouldn't be the final destination, but merely a starting point towards an exodus to a bigger base from which a counter-attack against zombies can be planned after the basic survival of the humans in your group.Let's see how our friends manage the situation:
Carlos and his wife come out of his house completely equipped, but without any unnecessary weight on their backpacks: they carry with them water, canned food, antibiotics, flashlights, matches, a battery-operated radio, cigarettes and condoms.
Mike leaves his house scared shitless with his revolver, loaded with six bullets. If a zombie gets in his way he will probably be able to blow its head off, but if six of them appear, it's highly probable that he will miss at least once. He carries only a half-full plastic bottle of coca-cola, a fuckload of lighters in his pocket, a baseball cap (backwards) and he forgot to put on shoes. His odds for survival are 4 in 1000. You're dead über-shithead.
Carlos and his wife come out of his house completely equipped, but without any unnecessary weight on their backpacks: they carry with them water, canned food, antibiotics, flashlights, matches, a battery-operated radio, cigarettes and condoms.
Mike leaves his house scared shitless with his revolver, loaded with six bullets. If a zombie gets in his way he will probably be able to blow its head off, but if six of them appear, it's highly probable that he will miss at least once. He carries only a half-full plastic bottle of coca-cola, a fuckload of lighters in his pocket, a baseball cap (backwards) and he forgot to put on shoes. His odds for survival are 4 in 1000. You're dead über-shithead.
To be continued...
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